mx775

As motocrossers, we all have some things in common. But one thing that distinctly separates our herd is how we treat our equipment. Among us at every race, there are those who take the Holy Temple approach: extensive detail jobs on the bike after every ride, top-end jobs every 30 hours without fail, helmet stickers trimmed with surgical precision by an exquisitely clean Exacto knife. And on the other end of the spectrum are the riders who follow the Laissez-faire method, which reasons that if my bike and gear made it through the last moto without bursting into flames, what possible reason could there be for messing with them?

In between these opposites, there are the rest of us: the types who will sometimes let their air filter get a little bit of crust before they clean it (a cardinal sin among Holy Temple types,) but would never go to the starting line missing a grip (a common occurrence for the hardcore Laissez-faire crowd.) Still, there is a lot of middle ground in this realm, and you may even suspect that you belong to one or the other of the extremes. But how can you be sure where you stand? I will tell you.

Below are a few questions that will assess how you approach your race items. Keep track of your answers and at the end I will let you know--definitively--where you are on the spectrum of racers.

Let's begin.

1. When do you replace the shroud graphics on your bike?

A. When the glossy luster fades a bit.

B. When holes begin to appear in the high-wear areas.

C. When they start peeling.

D. My bike's shrouds broke off and I never replaced them.

2. How often do change your transmission oil?

A. Every ride no matter what.

B. Every five hours on the hour meter.

C. Every few races.

D. Only when the previous oil runs out.

3. How do you clean your boots?

A. As the manual says: with a clean, damp cloth and gentle cleansers.

B. With a hose and a cloth.

C. Pressure washer and Simple Green.

D. A large puddle in fifth gear.

4. When a fork seal starts to leak on your bike, you:

A. Replace it with a new one immediately, and have the internals polished up while you're at it.

B. Run a business card underneath the seal to see if it will stop leaking, and replace it promptly if it doesn't.

C. Run it for a couple of rides until the oil starts really pouring.

D. Take comfort in the fact that it will only leak until all the oil is gone.

5. How do you approach your jetting? (EFI riders: Just say how you used to do it before you handed the reins over to a soulless computer.)  

A. Until I have flawless settings for every single track I ride.

B. I get it in the ballpark and make small adjustments when the conditions are weird.

C. I pretty much run it stock.

D. I have no idea what you're talking about.

6. Have you ever used a Q-Tip to clean any part of your riding equipment?

A. Yes.

B. No.

C. No, and I would laugh at anyone who has.

D. No, I don't even use Q-Tips in my ears.

7. Have you polished any aluminum part of your bike to a mirror shine?

A. What haven't I polished?

B. A small piece here and there.

C. Nah, a little too much work.

D. No, but I still have those chrome numbers from the '90s.

8. What kind of tires do you run?

A. Brand-name stuff exclusively--preferably the race-replica models.

B. Any reputable tire that I can get a deal on.

C. I'm cool with off-brands from faraway countries so long as they're cheap.

D. I scour the pits after desert races, looking for take-offs.

9. What is the point of anodized parts?

A. To create a clever color scheme that echoes itself throughout your bike.

B. To add a little bling here and there.

C. There's not much point.

D. To show you're too much of a dandy for old-fashioned spray-paint.

10. What gas do you run?

A. VP U4, race day or not.

B. Pump gas regularly and maybe a little U4 for Mammoth. 

C. Pump gas always.

D. Mower overflow.

11. Do you have those number-plate stickers on your hubs?

A. Yes, on my anodized hubs, thank you.

B. Yeah. I got a free set when I ordered backgrounds.

C. No.

D. No, but I do have a sticker on my rear hub for ROCK 104.5 FM (it's holding in some broken spokes.)

12. How many sets of gear do you currently use?

A. I have four sets that I rotate based on mood.

B. I have a couple.

C. Times are tough, so I'm rockin' a single set.

D. Is a long-sleeve Def Leppard shirt considered gear?

Now then. Here's how to add up your answers:

For each A response, give yourself one point.

For each B response, give yourself two points.

For each C response, three points.

For each D response, give yourself 10,000 points.

Now add your score and learn where you fall on the spectrum and what you should do about it:

12-18 points: You clearly take nice care of your stuff, but really now: what's with the Q-tips and perpetually new graphics? Everyone likes a clean bike, but your probably driving your friends crazy as they watch you spray on that eighth coat of Maxima SC-1. Try a little more riding and a little less intensive aluminum polishing, and while you're at it, consider a little pump gas. All that U4 in your garage is the reason your dog keeps getting sick. (Note: if you're at this level but your mom or dad is doing the actual maintenance work, at least have the gratitude to buy them a Mercedes when you sign your first factory deal.)

19-28 points: You're doing a solid job taking care of your stuff. I would guess your bike and gear is in nice shape and you may even have time to ride. Be careful not to become too meticulous though, because there's a fine line between keeping a clean set of stuff and becoming the Howard Hughes of your local track.

29-36 points: Your stuff's probably not spotless, but you keep the wheels on. I wouldn't hire you as a mechanic for a factory team, but for a casual racer, you have most of your bases covered. Your goal should be to not let your game slip, because you're not miles away from falling onto the lowest rung of our ladder. Keep an eye on the big stuff, and know that if you at any point go riding in a Def Leppard T-shirt, the entire ballgame has been lost.

37-120,000 points: Oh, my wayward friend. Yes, it's a dirt bike, but that means you ride it on dirt, not treat it as such. I love dirt bikes, and I won't lie to you: when I see a bike that has been mistreated, I think of you and your ilk, and I want to spearhead a grassroots campaign to enact laws to keep you from ever touching a bike again (and also laws that will force you to use Q-Tips in your ears.)

Still, all is not lost for you. My advice to you is to find a friend who resides in one of the categories above you, and learn from him. You may not get the maintenance routine perfect at first, but if your friend is really a friend, when you lapse, he will viciously mock and insult you in a way that makes you feel the pain of all the bikes you've abused to that point.

Then, and only then, will you understand why you must atone for your sins. Well, either then or when your front wheel falls off midair because you thought it was redundant to have both a nut and a set of pinch bolts holding on your front axle.